The Noswonky Web Log:

[ Printer friendly version ]
This Month Contains 8287 words
If you came here looking for Fat Naked Twin Sisters, click here - but expect to be disappointed.

Recently posted comments:
May 23 2005 - noswonky (Webslave) wrote: "OK. ..."
May 23 2005 - Vivid Divid wrote: "Webslave - you are behind with your work ..."
October 1 2008 - Cornell wrote: "Who mooned Yuko when you got home? ..."
September 30 2008 - Cornell wrote: "You should have followed a due process t ..."
September 30 2008 - Webslave wrote: "I didn't enquire about the bird's person ..."
September 30 2008 - Cornell wrote: "was it a lesbian seagull? ..."

Tuesday, May 31 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Clockwise from top left - tape, scissors, a box, Mokador, vials of deadly poison

Mother Dodges The Law

On April 28th I related the story of Mother's brush with the law.

Briefly... she went out with Betty and Bruce and told Bruce to park in a disabled space using her Disabled Parking Authority. However, when Betty stuck it to the windscreen, she failed to secure it adequately. When they returned to the car, the parking authority had fallen onto the floor, and there was a fine for $392 on the window. Bruce and Mother then conspired in an attempt to thwart the law and evade the fine.

Anyway, Bruce got a letter from the authorities a couple of days ago. The result... they don't have to pay!

This is the second time Mother has avoided paying a traffic fine by writing a begging letter.

Banana Republic

I was watching the Channel Ten News and the finance report came on...

Then, in a matter-of-fact tone, the guy from Commsec said that Australia is now a Banana Republic...

That's amazing. I thought Australia was still a Meat Pie Monarchy. But it was on TV, so it must be true!

Woosy Musings

This morning Yuko said "today is Tuesday" which actually means let's go out tonight. So we went to Epitome...

Strawberry wine

Our table was right beside fire place.

You can't beat an open fire - but this one is closed in.

There was a new dish on the menu - chicken - so I had no choice but to order it.

Chicken and shells

We liked it.


[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Monday, May 30 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

There is no coffee picture today.

Glass Houses

I'm disgusted! I'm appalled! I'm outraged!

The story...

You go on a holiday to a foreign country, and when you arrive at your destination, drugs are found in your bag.

You are charged, and imprisoned. The drugs have been planted in your bag, but you can't prove it. You don't speak the local language so your explanations are mis-interpreted or ignored. The evidence you need to prove your innocence has to come from the country where you boarded the flight and your legal team doesn't have the resources or experience to properly gather and present that evidence in court. You are found guilty and sentenced to rot in a local jail for many years.

In your home country, there is public outrage at the injustice of such a barbaric legal system.

Which country?

I refer to this case.

Shot in the Arm

I was booked in for a free flu shot at 10.55am. I thought I'd have to wait in a queue, but when I arrived at the First Aid room, I was the only one there. A woman was sitting alone in the room waiting for someone to show up. Whether she was a doctor or not, I don't know, but when I looked in the door, she spontaneously offered to inject me with an unknown substance, so I agreed.

As the needle pierced my woosy white skin, I screamed in agony and shouted a stream of obscenities.

Shot site

Then she said "the muscle dropped", which didn't sound good, but I didn't know what it meant. However, she didn't seem too concerned, and proceeded to engage me in trivial banter about what it's like to work for Cochlear. That conversation however, must remain confidential.

So then I left with my dropped muscle and returned to my workplace, secure in the knowledge that I was impervious to the ravages of the dreaded influenza bug...

The Dreaded Influenza Bug


Meanwhile, Yuko went to the City to meet Keiko for an undisclosed purpose. Keiko sent a bag of goodies, which are only half for me...

Goodies from Keiko

The goodies were jelly thingies, which were adequate.

From Message
6197 Days Ago
your arm is hairy

From Message
6196 Days Ago
You should see the rest of me!

From Message
6194 Days Ago
your reference to the injustice perpetrated by the vicious, but well meaning Australians on seemingly sweet but obviously guilty foreign tourists appears on the website today

From Message
6194 Days Ago
There's also an article on the SMH site. I will post the links in due course.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Sunday, May 29 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


We saw this Mini in the carpark at Lane Cove.

Yuko punched me and said "punch mini no returns" which, of course, is illegal under the official rules of Punch Buggy and I am considering lodging an official protest... but I digress...

The interesting thing about this Mini was that someone had scratched two messages on it! It was difficult to make a good photograph because of the reflective paint, but this shows part of it...


The two messages said...

"My brother did this because I left him in Lane Cove"


"They wanted him out of the house"

Which I thought was unusually wordy for this medium. Messages scratched on cars normally get straight to the point with something along the lines of "F*** You!".

But what does it mean?

I suspect that the writer refers to himself in the third person (my brother) because he is writing from the point of view of the Mini's owner, who left him stranded at Lane Cove. The bastard!

Mother's Threat

Mother called in the afternoon asking me to come and install the threatening sign that I made for her recently.

She wanted it placed at the side of her house...

Her side fence ends before her property ends. Beyond the fence is a jungle where Mother suspects bastards have been dumping rubbish. That's where she wanted the sign.

Sign placed at the entrance to the jungle


After I erected the sign, Mother gave me a cup of coffee and we relaxed on her front patio.

From Message
6197 Days Ago
why don't you install a webcam so you can catch the perpetrators in the act and then you or your mum could confront them

From Message
6196 Days Ago
Because, we are feeble, spineless, yellow-tailed, lily-livered, chicken-bellied, woosies.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Saturday, May 28 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Attack on Epitome

It seems that Epitome has been attacked by a radical group of café fundamentalists. They caused significant damage...

The damage

However, the interior survived undamaged and café life continued...

Café Life Continuing

Transparent Addiction

Yuko is addicted to transparent bags and boxes. She once bought out Woolworths' entire stock of a particular transparent purse!

Today she discovered transparent cubes at the Lane Cove Two-Dollar shop...



Mother called in the afternoon and offered to take us to a restaurant if we took her to a movie first. She wanted to see Downfall although she had already seen it. So we went to see it at Cremorne.

It's the story of a guy with a bad hairdresser, who decides to take over the world. But when some Russian's decide to visit him, he chooses to pike by getting married and taking his honeymoon in a bomb crater filled with burning petrol.



After the movie, Mother took us to Pontocho. They now have a more colourful sign out the front...


Yuko and Mother

Chicken and Tempura

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Friday, May 27 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Warning: This article may contain anti-government views

The coffee boy is not doing well. Look at this excuse for froth!


A couple of day ago, Mother sent a letter to the Sydney Morning Herald, and another letter to the Daily Telegraph.

Today, her letter to the Telegraph was published...

The letter

Dry-Cleaning Rage

I dropped an item at the dry-cleaner at Lane Cove. When I approached the counter, I saw the owner in conversation with a woman customer. She was asking that he pay to replace a pair of pants which she claimed he had damaged. He claimed that she had dropped butter on them, and he could not completely remove the mark.

As he began to write me a ticket for my item, the woman began making a call on her mobile phone. She was calling the Lane Cove police. I guess she thought they would come and rough up the dry-cleaner.

The dry-cleaner freaked out when he heard that the customer was calling the police, and he began mounting his defence case to me!

The customer then freaked out and demanded that he not involve "another customer" (that's me). I got my ticket and got the hell out of there.

Ten minutes later I passed by on the other side of the road. The customer was still there and still on the phone.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Thursday, May 26 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Australia's Biggest Morning Tea

At 9.30 am, I was told to inflate some balloons for Australia's Biggest Morning Tea.

Official Balloons

I did my duty for the cause...



At 10.30am the event got started. Cake was eaten at multiple locations throughout the company. There are too many employees to have one big gathering.

The paper plate I bought from the Lizard Hunter yesterday for $4.00 became valuable, as it authorised me to eat cake.

Cake Eaters

Cake Eaters


We went to Taiki for dinner.

The sushi chef there is a cool cat...

Sushi Chef

Although it was cold, we sat in the semi-outside area and they turned on the heater for us. I think this heater is new as I haven't seen it there before. The manager showed the other staff how to light the heater...

Heater training session

It was nice and warm. I did not eat chicken, which is highly unusual.

The interior, where we didn't eat.

Cochlear on TV

I saw an item on the TV news about a "new hearing aid" developed by an Australian company. It was Cochlear's new Freedom Implant (the one with the unfortunate name). I don't think the marketing people would be too happy having it called a "hearing aid". Hearing aids are for people who can hear! But I guess any publicity is good...

Video (6.6MB)

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Wednesday, May 25 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


Today I was approached by The Lizard Hunter who offered to sell me an empty paper plate. Although it seemed like just a worthless paper plate, she assured me that it would become valuable in the near future. It sounded like a scam, but I handed over $4.00.

At least the plate is personalised

Handing over the cash

Traffic Dilemma

Which route should I take to work?

There are basically two ways I can go. There is the short way, and the long way.

If I go the long way I can park very close to the building. If I go the short way, I have to trek through the jungle to get to the building.

The other difference is going home. The pictures below show how the traffic compares...

The Long Way The Short Way

So... which way should I go?

From Message
A Poster
612 Days Ago
Due to excessive comment spam, messages must await approval by the Webslave (Noswonky) before being displayed.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Tuesday, May 24 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Weapon of Localised Terror

The hypodermic syringe has become the weapon of choice for today's sophisticated micro-terrorist.

No other weapon instills such intense terror, while at the same time being cheap, light, portable and easy to conceal about one's person.

It doesn't matter much whether the syringe contains something dangerous or not. Rather, it is the possibility of succumbing to a long painful death which makes the syringe so terrifying.

Today, I tried it out. Of course, it should be filled with an unknown liquid.

Wearing gloves makes it look more dangerous.

I snuck up on this employee and demanded he do my bidding lest he be injected with an unknown substance.

The sneak up

Fortunately, the victim caved and I didn't need to inject him.

Woosy Musings About Restaurants

In the evening, we went to Capitano's at North Sydney.

You can't beat a Mexicana

But you can photograph a Spaghetti Bolognese

Not Nothing

Yesterday I wrote that nothing happened. That was not entirely true. Actually, something did happen but I was too lazy to write about it, so I have saved it for today.

I handed Yuko a piece of soap...

Soap changes hands

From Message
Mari from watashi to tokyo
6203 Days Ago
Hi That is your pajama? Santa and tree?? Pretty!! Kawaii. Ah yes, you will know Japanese woman say "pretty" and "kawaii" for everything, always.

From Message
6202 Days Ago
Not pyjama. It's a coat that I wear at home during winter. Japanese people should recognise it...

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Monday, May 23 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Nothing happened.

From Message
Laughing Mole
6203 Days Ago
Nothing happened

I don't think I'm getting value for money here. Can't you make something up? Even woosy musings on coffee and cafés would be better than nothing.

From Message
6203 Days Ago
How much are you paying?

From Message
6199 Days Ago
hey, you, noswanky - I've got IXUS 50, a better camera than yours, now what? youre gonna wank yourselfr to death?

From Message
6199 Days Ago
An IXUS 50 will be of little use to you as you rot in a Bali jail for 20 years. I suggest you trade it for food, cigarettes and weapons.

From Message
6198 Days Ago
You did not answer my question

From Message
6198 Days Ago
The answer is: I choose not to.

From Message
Vivid Divid
4945 Days Ago
Webslave - you are behind with your work .. get on with it!

From Message
noswonky (Webslave)
4945 Days Ago

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Sunday, May 22 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

I bought a copy of Investigate Magazine (above) because Adrian the Sydney Taxi Driver, whose blog I read regularly, is now writing a column in it. Well, you've got to support the struggling cabbies.

Belinda's Friend

At Lane Cove this morning, Belinda found a friend...

But which one is the real Belinda?

Fire and Chicken

At noon I began to make fire...

Then, as the fire matured, I went to pick Mother up. However, before leaving her house, she gave me a task. She wanted me to tie her back gate shut to stop a dog from coming into her yard.

Mother's back gate, with shed at right

It was a bit tricky because there wasn't much to tie the gate to. However, I was able to use the roof beam of the shed as an anchor point. But is it dog-proof? Only time will tell.

Gate tied to shed's roof

Yuko had prepared Chicken and brightly coloured vegetables which we grilled on the fire.


Mother eats chicken

Mother eyes the dessert

Yuko decided to do some tiling while Mother and I drank coffee and lamented the state of the world.


Mother noticed a few wasps buzzing around and I discovered a group of them having a clandestine meeting on top of the light. We decided to kill them.

Wasp meeting

Mother then told us a story...

She recently had her carpets cleaned professionally. When the guy arrived, he tried to get her to have some extra stuff done - Scotchgard or something. She told him she didn't want it, but the guy persisted. Mother told him a couple more times that she didn't want any extras. But when he continued trying to persuade her, she flew into a rage and adopted an aggressive stance (which she demonstrates in the picture below), and said I don't want it!!!!!!

Mother simulates rage against the carpet cleaner

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Saturday, May 21 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


There was an article in the Herald today about Sudoku. I thought it sounded Japanese so I asked Yuko if she'd heard it before. She hadn't. Then I read the article and it said that the word is Japanese...

But Yuko said this made no sense to her and she was still skeptical.

Later, when I found this page, she admitted that "su" means "number" and "doku" means "single".

Errant Letter

Yesterday, we got a letter which was not addressed to us. It was addressed to a Mrs. Jakeman, who lives at the same house number as us, but in a different street. I guess the postman thought that was close enough.

So before breakfast, we drove around to the other street to deliver the letter to Mrs. Jakeman.

The letter, about to be delivered at No. 110 in another street

As it was Saturday, I thought we should make contact with the recipient rather than just dropping it in her letterbox.

I walked around to the side of the house and found Mrs. Jakeman immediately. She was speaking to a guy who introduced himself as Tony.

Tony the Stone Man and Mrs. Jakeman

She thanked us for delivering the letter. Then Tony began marketing his talents as a stonemason. Apparently he was there to do some stone work, and when he learned that we lived in the area, he forced us to take his business card. He also showed us some pictures of his previous work...

Example of Tony's work

Pink Elephant

Yuko discovered a shop at Lane Cove down below street level where they sell hand-made stuff. The woman there reminded me of the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe ...

Suspected Shoe Dweller

At her shop, I played with a pink elephant on a spring...

Video (1.0MB)

Garage Sales

We dropped in at Cochlear for reasons I can't disclose, and while I went inside, Yuko expressed glee...

Yuko expresses glee at Cochlear

Then, on the way home, Yuko saw a sign...


...and forced me to stop at a garage sale.

Garage sale


Yuko did some haggling, and bought some stuff.

Stuff bought at garage sale

She tried on the shoes...


[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Friday, May 20 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Click It!


Nothing happened at Cochlear.


For dinner we went to Colours of Thai at Mosman. We hadn't been there for a while.

Colours of Thai

Yuko "quoting"


After dinner we went down to Balmoral Beach to kiss...

Kissing at the beach

We also said hello to Billy...

Billy - Still smiling after all these years!

We both tried the recently-discovered feature of our cameras - Long Shutter Mode.

Balmoral Beach at night (10 second exposure)

The other bit of Balmoral Beach at night (10 second exposure)

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Thursday, May 19 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

The Lizard Hunter

On returning from purchasing my Mokador, I was confronted by a wild animal roaming free in the office and wreaking havoc...

Lizard Wreaking Havoc at Cochlear

I immediately enlisted the services of the Cochlear Lizard Hunter. I recorded the dramatic events which followed in the series of videos below...

(Video 0.6MB)
Scene 1: The beast is captured by the Lizard Hunter

The creature in captivity - but even now, planning his escape

(Video 0.5MB)
Scene 2: The beast escapes and makes a desperate bid for freedom

(Video 1.2MB)
Scene 3: The animal is returned to the wild and makes a new home for himself


Here is a blogger in action...

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Wednesday, May 18 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Artificial Head

Today at work, I made an artificial head. This is to simulate a cochlear implant patient for those times when we don't have a real patient handy.

Artificial Head

Before this we had to resort to dragging in passers by off the street, and attaching electrodes to their ears.


Our free flu vaccinations have been re-scheduled yet again for the end of this month. I hope we're not all dead by then - the bug looks pretty mean...

The Flu Bug


Mother invited us for dinner.

Mother serves dinner while Yuko photographs it

We provided dessert, pudding made by Yuko...

Pudding and syrup in the bag

I took Mother's almost complete sign with me so that I could finish it while we chatted after dinner.

Almost completed sign

Later, I finished it and Mother was very happy...

Completed sign

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Tuesday, May 17 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


Today it rained, so I tried to take a picture of the rain.

Rain and Plane


Our boss is away and anarchy is rife.

Today I was threatened with physical violence, including a threat with a staple remover.


I had my mouse ball removed, a cable was pulled from the back of my computer and my phone was sabotaged...

Sabotaged Phone

I also caught a hacker red-handed tampering with a computer in our department...



When it rains, we like to go to Bardeli's. That's because we can sit behind a sheet of plastic and watch nature's fury at close range. Unfortunately, the rain had stopped by the time we got there.

They have an unusual heater...


Soon after we ordered, one of the staff came over and asked Yuko if she liked veal. I explained that he meant a small cow, and she said "yes". So he said he'd bring us some raw veal to try. I got the impression that he was a chef and wanted to try out a new dish on us. Of course it was free!

Free Raw Thin Veal

We also got free chocolates...

Free Chocolates

As we were leaving we noticed two interesting things. A gourd...

It is well known that a gourd is worth ten.

And a piece of fruit in an odd location...

A piece of fruit on the floor is not worth much.

From Message
Laughing Mole
6209 Days Ago
Ten ... gourds?

From Message
6209 Days Ago
No. Shekels!

From Message
6208 Days Ago
Ten! Are you trying to insult me? Me, with a poor dying grandmother? Ten!

From Message
6208 Days Ago

From Message
6206 Days Ago
Eleven! Did I hear you right? Eleven! This cost me twelve! Do you want to ruin me?

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Monday, May 16 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Sub-standard froth

Computer Debacle

Yuko had computer problems today.

First her email account prompted her for a password - something it doesn't normally do - and she didn't know the correct password. Clicking on the "forgot password" link caused an email to be sent to Yuko so she could reset her password. However, the email was sent to the very email account that she could not access because she didn't know the password!

Guess which company devised this brilliant scheme.

Then, while I was at work, civilisation almost ended when Yuko's Internet connection broke. Fortunately I was able to provide phone support to resolve the problem before civilisation was damaged beyond repair.

Yuko fights the computer with a bottle of Apple scented shampoo


In the morning I had a shocking conversation with [Name Omitted], who told me that XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX X XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXX XXXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXXXX XXX XXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXX X XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXX I was shocked, not by what was said, but by the fact that it was said. I guess I've now been there long enough, that things like this can be said to me. It is probably an indication that I'm not considered a new guy anymore!


Mother has noticed evidence of people entering her back yard doing stuff. It is a jungle up there, and people could be lost for days before being found. She asked me to write a sign to warn potential encroachers their errant behaviour will be met with the full force of the law - even if it's not true.

She gave me a blank canvas and a felt tipped pen for the task. I did some measurements and calculations, and produced a first draft in outline letters. This experience has convinced me that sign-writing is not the career for me.


Well... it's only a draft!

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Sunday, May 15 2005

[ Link to this entry ]



At breakfast we discussed the news story featured in the coffee picture above - Japan wanting to kill more whales. Yuko said that whales are bad animals because they eat so much. Therefore, they should be slaughtered for scientific research.

I asked Yuko what would be done with the whales after the scientific research. She said the Japanese would eat them.

Yuko prepares her rebuttal of the news report


Yuko asked Klaudia how her moving-house activity was going. Klaudia gave us a moderately detailed answer involving boxes, an ex-boyfriend whose guts she despises, new flatmates etc.

Klaudia tells her moving story.

Long Lazy Lunch

Today was the day of the Long Lazy Lunch. This is an event held once a year in Lane Cove. It's a bit like a pub-crawl. Diners move from one cafe/restaurant to another over the course of several hours, eating a different course at each cafe.

We didn't participate, but as Epitome was one of the cafes involved, we saw the diners arrive for the first course at about 12 noon.

Things got a bit noisy when they arrived, so we decided to leave. When I got to the bottom of the steps, an elderly couple were just going up - presumably they were part of the LLL group.

The man said to me "Are the reds upstairs?"
I said "You mean the communists?"
He replied "yes."
So I said "There are some people up there, but I don't know their political leanings."

The couple then continued on their way up the stairs.

Bimbi and Cappricci

We dropped in at Patricia's baby shop, which is called Bimbi and Cappricci. We said hello to Patricia, but didn't buy anything - well, we don't have a baby.

Patricia's baby shop


After a brief stop at Cochlear for reasons I can't disclose, we drove to the roof-top carpark of No. 7 Sirius Road to look at the big hole in the ground.

Up on the roof

This hole is the site of the Control Centre and Ventilation building for the Lane Cove Tunnel Project.

Yuko gazes into the hole

That purple dot is the site of the big hole


Yuko bought some more fish.

They spent some time in temporary accommodation

The new fish are moved from bucket... tank.

Fish swimming happily

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Saturday, May 14 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Low Clearance

Since Vito (the gardener) cut our trees a few days ago, our Christmas lights (yes, they're still up) have got lower. This morning when I reversed Belinda out of the garage, heard a strange sound and noticed that the lights were swinging violently.

It seems that the lights are now so low that Belinda's radio antenna hooks the wires during egress from the garage.

Lights barely above Belinda's roof

The antenna hooks the lights


On the way home from breakfast, we stopped at a garage sale in Wood Street. Yuko bought a water jug ($2) and an office chair ($30).

I had to fold down the back seats to fit the chair in the car.

The chair held by seat-belts in the back of the car.

Yuko's new chair (left) and old chair (right).


At about 4.30pm I went cycling. There was some kind of Art & Craft show on at the College, so I avoided it and cycled around the local streets instead. However, by 5.15pm it was getting quite dark and I had to cut short my outing. The bike is not equipped with night lights.

Darkness looms in Riverview

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Black Friday

[ Link to this entry ]

Caterpillar Incident

While waiting in the queue at the coffee truck, I noticed a caterpillar crawling on the shoulder of the woman in front of me.

I said "Excuse me, there's a caterpillar on your shoulder."

However, I felt a tad uneasy lest the woman think it was just a variation on the old "There's a spider in your hair" pickup line. But as the caterpillar is a slow-moving creature, I felt confident that it would not run away before she could see it, confirming that I was telling the truth.

She handed me her cigarette lighter to use as an implement to dislodge the creature. At this point, I wanted to take a picture of the beast crawling across the woman's jacket and into her hair. However, as there was some urgency in her voice as she yelled "get it off me", I decided that it was not the best time to take out my camera. The following is an artist's impression of the incident...

I brushed the errant beast aside and it fell to the ground. The victim then explained that minutes earlier, she had been sitting in a leafy area and the caterpillar had probably hitched a ride at that time. Then, she squashed it with her foot and said "poor caterpillar!"

After she left, I took a picture of the remains...

A Black Friday Indeed For This Caterpillar


Yet more cake today...

Ponto Cho

As Mother had not been to the re-located Ponto Cho, we decided to take her tonight. However, when Yuko called to book a table, the number was disconnected! We hoped they had simply changed their number due to the re-location. I looked for the new number in the White Pages but I couldn't find it. So we just went anyway.

Fortunately, they were still open and we had no trouble getting a table.


Mother liked the cosy atmosphere better than the old place.


If you're looking for Ponto Cho, just remember it's next door to this...

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Thursday, May 12 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


Mother and Yuko conspired to force Vito, a poor struggling immigrant, to come and work for them in their respective gardens today. This, despite their knowing that Vito may have a heart condition which could cause him to drop dead at any moment.

First, he came to our place, arriving at about 7.45am...

Vito cutting grass

Vito cutting trees

After a few hours of hard labour, he went up the road to Mother's house to work for a few more hours.

Later I asked Mother if Vito had survived. She said that he was still alive. Vito also told her that after having medical tests, his doctor told him that his heart is ok. However, I pointed out to Mother that she had not known this when she enticed Vito to come and work in her garden.


Of course, there was cake again today...

I also played some TT. Here is a picture of me not playing...


There was another traffic incident this evening which caused Epping Road to be even more gridlocked than usual...

Epping Road in Gridlock

As I waited, an ambulance sped by on the other side with siren and flashing lights...

Ambulance Speeds By

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Wednesday, May 11 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

The Coffee Boy did ok today.


There were multiple cake sessions today. Only one is depicted here.

The Project Leader for Cake and Related Technologies prepares for a presentation

Didn't Pink Floyd do an album cover like this?

Traffic Incident

As I was driving home I witnessed the aftermath of a traffic incident. The picture tells the story...

Traffic Incident

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Tuesday, May 10 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Today's coffee was obtained and consumed off-site. It was adequate.

SEM (Seriously Expensive Machine)

I got up really early because I had to go to an off-site location to use a SEM (Seriously Expensive Machine). However, I didn't shirk my responsibility to make breakfast for Yuko first.

Then I drove to Cochlear and demanded that the receptionist order me a TAXI (which she did). The TAXI ride only took about 25 minutes and I arrived at the location at about 9am...


University Mall

University life is hard!

There were people milling around in hats and gowns having their pictures taken.

My destination was that building on the left - The Red Centre.

I took the lift deep into the bowels of the Earth and there, found the place I was looking for - the EMU

There I met Jenny, the keeper of the SEM (Seriously Expensive Machine). She showed me around the lab, which being well below ground level, resembled a dungeon. Then she showed me the Seriously Expensive Machine. I expected it to be bigger, given the price tag - $600000 (I assume that includes GST).

SEM. The images are viewed on the computer at left.

Jenny didn't allow me to photograph her, except for her arm which appears in the picture below.

The sample is placed in the chamber of the SEM

Jenny told me a lot of stuff about how the SEM works and what it does. Basically it makes really teency-weency things look as big as an elephant.

As we worked to analyse the sample, Jenny made several sexist remarks, suggesting that those of a particular gender may lack spatial reasoning ability. For example, there is a video camera inside the chamber of the SEM so that you can see on the computer screen, where the sample is and how it is oriented. However, the image on the screen is reversed. Jenny said something like "Being a girl, I can't visualise where the sample is." I declined to comment.

The most important thing to know about a SEM is that it sucks...

Pumps and stuff for sucking.

After almost four hours of painstaking analysis, we found what we were looking for... a Ten Micron Chicken lying lazily on its back on the surface of the sample!

The Ten Micron Chicken

Jenny burned the images of the chicken onto a CD for me to take away.

I took another taxi back to Cochlear, arriving back at work at about 2pm. There, I printed the pictures of the Ten Micron Chicken for closer examination. I will probably have to write a Chicken Report.


In the evening, we went to Taiki.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Monday, May 9 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

The Coffee-Boy was running the truck alone today! The coffee is ok, but he still hasn't mastered the froth.


When we woke up this morning, Riverview was hid in mist (a bit)...


I finally got a paper copy of my voucher credits - the reward for my computer support services...

Seven stamps - potentially seven coffees.


I've discovered that my camera has a feature called Long Shutter Mode in which slightly longish exposures can be taken. Actually, the maximum is 15 seconds but it's enough to see stars. I took this picture of the Southern Cross and the Pointers.

Below is the same general area of sky as rendered by Starry Night.


Tomorrow I will be off-site again. Buy shares now!

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Mother's Day

[ Link to this entry ]

Lunch with Mother was planned, so we didn't have breakfast. Instead, in the morning, I went cycling and did five laps of the College.

We wrote on Mother's card...

Yuko writes on Mother's card

Then, we picked Mother up and went to lunch at Epitome.

We had sparkling strawberry wine...

Pouring the Strawberry Wine


We expected it to be crowded - they said they were fully booked - but it was quiet upstairs until almost 1pm...

Epitome Quiet

There was a special Mother's Day menu. However, we chose to order from the regular menu. There was a small debacle with our order which resulted in Yuko getting her food first and finishing before Mother and I got ours. However, the food was excellent as usual...

During lunch, Mother mentioned that she has been in discussions with her attorney (Lady Macbeth) regarding the defamation claim against me for what I wrote on May 4th. During the conversation, Mother admitted to making the statements I claimed she had made. I therefore expect any legal actions against me to cease!

She then discussed with Yuko, a plan to get Vito (the gardener) to come over and do gardening for both of them this week. Then she added "if he's still alive!"

We then returned to the Noswonky residence and Mother opened her present...

Mother Opens Present

And wore it...

Mother Wears Present

Then we had dessert...

Yuko and Mother had
baked apples. The plate
broke in the oven
I had a simple dessert

From Message
Lady Macbeth (Mother's attorney)
6218 Days Ago
Obviously, the pearls you gave Mother are genuine and worth a motza - she would never have been "bought" with fake!! (Although her pained expression as she wears the pearls does show she didn't give in without a struggle) I am now investigating the crime of "bribery & corruption".

From Message
6217 Days Ago
Perhaps you'd like some pearls too.

From Message
Lady Macbeth
6216 Days Ago
As the Good Book says, "Neither cast ye your pearls before ... attorneys." Try diamonds!

From Message
6210 Days Ago
Don't you mean swine?

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Saturday, May 7 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Baby Chair

At Epitome, Klaudia was under stress after being instructed by the manager to re-arrange the tables for a group that was coming with a baby. We made unhelpful suggestions to make her more confused.

She had to assemble a baby chair too...


There was a band playing in the plaza. I was quite impressed by the guitar player. Although she was not playing anything too technical, the rhythm and feel were much better than for your typical 'Gazebo Band'. She was strumming while interposing melody notes and was using the contrast between the bass and treble strings to good effect. A shot video clip...

Band. Click for Video (1.7MB)

Mother's Day

After breakfast, we bought a Mother's Day present for Mother. It's a XXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXXX

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Friday, May 6 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Coffee Boy Mokador Massacre

Today the coffee-truck-guy told me the reason he is taking time off. He's having an operation. I didn't ask what kind of operation. I assumed it was something routine like a sex-change.

Today he was letting his trainee, the coffee-boy actually make the coffee in preparation for going it alone. If the quality of today's coffee is any indication, the next couple of week may be difficult to endure. I mean... look at the way he's massacred the froth...

Familiar Name

On the day of Rene Rivkin's funeral, I saw this familiar name...

R.I.P. Rene


Medical Emergency

The first aid officer sprang into action today when an employee had his skin punctured by a sharp object and blood gushed forth.

She donned the official First Aid Hat and rendered treatment...

Note Official Hat (patient's identity has been suppressed)

As the first aid officer stemmed the flow, she handed me a bandage roll. I thought it was a gift, so I walked away with it. However, the First Aid Officer screamed at me to return it as it was vital to the treatment of the patient.

Blood Flow Stemmed


We get a lot of tour groups coming through at Cochlear. Most of them are groups of elderly people, I guess because they are a group most affected by hearing loss. In the picture below, a big group has just arrived and is disembarking. Later, I encountered them feasting on coffee and biscuits.

Pizza and Park

We decided to go to Capitano's at North Sydney for dinner. As we prepared to leave, Belinda cast a stark and ominous shadow on the garage door.


It was quite crowded and noisy and we didn't get our favourite table near the window. There was also a small debacle when out garlic bread order was bungled. However, the problem was rectified and we left happy and unhungry.

Luna Park seemed to be lit up more brightly than ever before. We tried to photograph it, but we could not find a good vantage point to place the camera. This picture, taken from an inadequate vantage point does not do justice to the light display.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Thursday, May 5 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Awards and Stuff

The monthly Communications Meeting was held today. There was food and beer as usual...

The CEO Chris Roberts handed out patent awards to a bunch of people...

I got this award...

Well, actually I had to share it with about a hundred other people. But I got to hold it for 10 seconds - long enough to take a picture.

Then Vito, our Italian gardener gave a presentation in French...



As I left work, I took an arty picture of a power pole...


[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Wednesday, May 4 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

The coffee-truck-guy is going to take a holiday, so today he had a coffee-truck-boy with him, training to fill in.


In the evening, Mother took us to Maroo...


We ordered the same thing as usual. We are in a Korean food rut...

After dinner, Yuko went to the Korean mini-supermarket and bought some disgusting smelling items...


Then we had coffee and dessert at the Noswonky residence.


Yuko danced while showing Mother her blog...

Dancing Blogger

We mainly talked about Hitler and severed heads.

Mother also told us that she went to see the Archibald Prize exhibition at the art gallery. She said the winner was crap...

Crap Winner


Mother told us that our gardener Vito, who is also her gardener, has been having chest pains and may need to have a heart operation.

Vito the Gardener

In such circumstances, I would not expect him to be doing any physical work at least until his heart problem is fixed. But instead, Mother suggested that we hurry and get him to come to do some gardening BEFORE his operation, because he might be out of action for a while.

I pointed out that it might be very inconvenient if he were to drop dead in our garden.

From Message
Lady Macbeth (Mother's acting attorney)
6222 Days Ago
Knowing Mother, as I do, I found it hard to believe that she would (A) use the word 'crap' and (B) be so unkind as to suggest you should get the most out of Vito, the gardener, BEFORE his operation. Investigations are underway, and I would advise you to contact a good defamation lawyer.

From Message
6222 Days Ago
Lady Macbeth,

(A) Mother used a number of adjectives with negative connotations. I believed "crap" accurately conveys the sentiment she expressed, although she may not have used that word.

(B) I stand by my account.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Tuesday, May 3 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

New style coffee cup! This is the most exiting thing that's happened for a while. It even has a Coffee Glossary on the back...

Vaccination Debacle

Cochlear is providing free flu vaccinations for staff. It was supposed to be held over three days a couple of weeks ago, but it had to be postponed due to a shortage of the vaccine. It was re-scheduled for this week and I booked in for Wednesday.

But today an email was sent out saying that the vaccinations have been yet again postponed for an unspecified period. There is still a shortage of the vaccine and the available supplies are being kept for the old and weak people.

What about the slightly old and sick of waiting people???

Voucher System

Yuko has introduced a voucher system. Under this system, every time I help her with a computer problem, or check her English writing for correctness, I get paid in vouchers. Each voucher can later be redeemed for services including coffee-making and neck massage.

I found a nice Australia Post parcel box in the cupboard. It was just what I was looking for.

It seemed to be discarded, so I took it for my own purposes.

Fifi on Box

Later, Yuko spotted me with it and admonished me for taking her box. But she said I could keep it if I paid her two vouchers. I said that was too expensive - that's 20 minutes worth of neck massage!

So I offered her $5 for it, which she accepted. This shows that market forces have established the value of a voucher to be at least $2.50.

I currently have about 4.5 vouchers.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Monday, May 2 2005

[ Link to this entry ]

Due to meetings and working at the wrong time, I was unable to buy coffee today!

English in Japan

Nothing interesting happened today. So here are two pictures I took in Japan...

Drink Machine

Sign in Museum

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

Sunday, May 1 2005

[ Link to this entry ]


A couple of days ago, Yuko returned to her car which was parked in a public place, and found this CD under the wiper...

Today we tried to play it. It is indeed Play by Moby. Why would someone leave this on Yuko's car? We can only guess that it must be a case of mistaken identity and the CD was actually meant for someone else.

Anyway, I've loaded it into my iPod. It's not bad.


In the evening, the Logie Awards show was on TV, so I watched Kill Bill Volume 1 on Movie One.

It's a story of blood, wanton violence, blood, mutilation, blood, the severing of limbs and heads, blood and revenge. It's just the kind of subject matter I can relate to. But I really watched it to see Lucy Liu...

Lucy brandishes her sword

In this movie, Lucy plays the part of a Chinese/American/Japanese woman who severs the head of anyone who disagrees with her. That's my kind of woman!

Lucy holds up a head she has just severed

From Message
6225 Days Ago
This blog is horribly boring!!!

From Message
6225 Days Ago

You may be right. But it's something to read when your're working late.

[ Post a Reply or Comment ]

[ << June | Newest | April >> ]